She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
