Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
