I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You are a genius and a whore.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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