ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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