Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
