Your mouth is God's brothel.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
