Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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