just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
