we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
