I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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