no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
