He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You can't special order awesome
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
