i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
