my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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