um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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