Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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