ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
