shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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