Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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