We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
