you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
