I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
