I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
