i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
