I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
