it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
