Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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