also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
