That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
