Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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