I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
