i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
