$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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