I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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