Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
