There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
