Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
