I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
