Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
