Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
