She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
