Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His hands were made for my vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
