More tranny stories later!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
