Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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