porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
