Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
honey bunches of taint.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
