Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize
