I just saw a hot homeless man
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
