Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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