I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
