how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
handjob tips. give me some.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
